SII GP #3

Chauncey Hirose-Hulbert
English Cowell 9:30

Ritual Poem for Driving Stick Shift

1. Step in to an immense forest green truck with three passengers and one father.
2. Make sure the stick is neutral.
3. Depress clutch and turn key away from the driver, you.
4. Move the stick to the left and down.
5. Depress clutch.
6. Attempt to release the clutch slowly, but fail, jerk the truck in to motion, and watch from the mirror as all your passengers hit the seat in front of them.
7. Regain control of truck and try again.
8. Slowly creep around the lush weed field that is your personal freeway.
9. Depress clutch.
10. Move to first gear (one bump to the right on the stick from first gear).
11. Again depress the clutch while simultaneously slightly pressing on the gas peddle.
12. Fail miserably and hear the truck suffocate and stall.
13. Once your passengers have stop laughing in your face, try again.
14. Depress clutch.
15. Place the big toe from your right foot on the gas peddle while reaching with your left foot to let go of the clutch easily.
16. Meet only with disaster and hang your head in shame.
17. Give permission to your extremely nervous father to leave truck and allow the other people in the cab to touch solid ground.
18. Let father to consume some Heineken to dull his anxiety.
19. Grab air guitar with plectrum in hand, and play along with the lame song on the radio.
20. Once the predictable guitar riff they call a solo is over, call everyone back in to the forest green truck and begin round 2.
21. Go through steps 1-18 until your ideal goal of first gear is reached.